Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Chapters

Every year at this time I promise myself to try and get it together. Get organized, exercise, de-clutter, lose weight, you get the idea. It works for awhile, well, actually until sometime on January 2nd.  Today, at my 7AM doctor's appointment for blood work, I commented to one of the receptionists about my disorganization and maybe I should work on that this year. She informed me that her New Year's resolution was to try and complete some of her resolutions from 2014, 2015 and 2016. We all started laughing, but how true, well for most of us.

I use to look at life as this script from beginning to end and that some professional life critics were out there to judge you on how it all played out. If the script fell flat at some point, you were doomed. Same thing with New Year's Resolutions, if you screwed up in January, well, it was all over.

Yesterday, after listening to a friend's not so pleasant experience, I wanted to say something positive. I did let her know that her situation wasn't pleasant, and she had every right to grieve the entire experience but I also wanted to let her know that at 21, her life was far from over. So, I told her that the experience had given her some really great chapters for her book of life. I didn't mean good, positive, fun loving chapters, I meant good reading life chapters. These chapters contain drama, tears, hurt, broken hearts, betrayal, grief and renewal. Those are messy life chapters. At 21, she will have many other chapters, though. There will be love, hope, excitement, travel, adventures, death, life, work, play, rich days, poor days, days of contentment, days of learning, and days of reflection and they will all become chapters of life.

Sometimes, in teaching or enriching others will learn ourselves. When something bad happens, we think it is all over, that it can't possibly be good again or ever just be alright. Yet, some how things change and one day it just kind of hits you that something is different. It is like you finished a chapter in a book and the next one has a totally different tone, and you can't wait to get right back into the book again. Some of the characters hang around for the entire book, some die, some leave, and some float in and out for chapters.

I have had some fairly traumatic chapters in my book of life in the last few years but like that 21 year old, my life is far from over. Here is to a new year and some new chapters for all of us.

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Lame shit ....Tea and Wine

This is lame put everyone is going to hear about it. Tea and Wine. I hate tea and wine. Wine, there is a reason. Tea, none. I hate tea. All kinds. My entire life I have hated tea. I don't care if it is unsweetened, sweetened, flavored, unflavored, peach, mint, green, black. I hate tea. I also don't like people trying to tell me that it is good for you and maybe I should try it another way. Seriously, I have been known to spit tea all over the dash of a car and up the inside of the windshield when I accidently picked up the wrong drink. Wine, my hatred of wine goes back to college, specifically, WVU, freshman year, Margaret was my roommate. I have no idea why but I thought it was a good idea to drink warm, cherry Mad Dog before going to class. I kept this bottle in the top of my closet. Wine brings back bad memories of throwing up.......endlessly!!! Something I am not proud of but never the less the truth, so I do not drink wine. Soooo......, what brought all this up?  Yesterday I was at Wynn Dixie and there was two shopping carts of clearance wine, 50 percent off, still good, just clearance. Anyway, these other female shoppers were going crazy over the clearance wine. I hate to miss out on a sale so I went over to the shopping carts by my check out to see what all the hubbub was about. These women knew wine, unlike me, who cares less. I told them that I knew nothing about wine and didn't drink it. They looked at me like I was either ultra religious, a recovering alcoholic or totally uncultured. I didn't want to get into WVU, Mad Dog and the 70's so I just acted pathetic and they showed me a good bottle to buy. Sweet, white. I gave it away

Thursday, September 15, 2016

My mini vacation.......sick dogs, Summmersville police office, A tropical storm, broken AC, etc.

     So Jim said, "Let's make a quick trip to Florida. "Great!" I said. So Sunday morning, after a day at the gun bash, off we go. I decided to take the dogs and save some money on kenneling. My dogs are never sick. Well, not until Sunday. A short time into the trip, Hickory started making this coughing, wheezing sound with heavy breathing and panting.  I knew something was wrong and my first thought was that he was having a heart attack. Jim's response was, "Maybe he has asthma." Seriously, asthma. A dog doesn't just wake up with asthma. Clearing, he was possibly having a heart attack. Within a few more minutes, Jim started gagging.  He informed me that the car smelled terrible. I  honestly didn't notice it. Being the dutiful person, that I am, I told him to pull over when it was good and that I would check Hickory and the source of the smell.
     I didn't dream that he would pull off the side of road on Rt. 119 headed toward Summersville. Highway 119, Capital City of we will give you a ticket for breathing!! Jim whips the car off the road and I hurry over to the other side of the car to check Hickory. Hickory is throwing up white foaming vomit. I had found the source of the smell. About this time, Jim decided to take advantage of the stop to go to the bathroom, where there is no bathroom. I walk to the other side of the car to get the nuts I dropped on the floor earlier out of the car. Jim also hates anything on the floor of the car.
    So to set the scene, I am picking up mixed nuts off the floor mat, Jim is peeing between to opened doors and I am mentally trying to figure out what is wrong with Hickory and what to do. Floating around in my own world, I didn't realize for a few moments that Jim was talking to a police officer.  When I did, I just got in the car and kept my mouth shut. I did not want to end up in jail in Summersville, WV.
    After a few minutes, Jim got back into the car. I turned to him and said "What was that about?" Jim said, "He wanted to why we were pulled off the road." Ï told him that we had a sick dog." ÖK", I said. Jim continued... "He also told me, "You took a piss, also".  "Yes officer, I took a piss" Seriously he said piss, not pee, urinate, something more refined.  "I think you are missing the point," Jim said. One more thing to add to the long list of things not to do on RT. 119 heading  through Summersville, WV on an early late summer, Sunday morning.
    Now at this point, you think what else can go wrong.  It didn't take long. After the brief conversation between Jim and I, he exclaimed, "Did you step in dog shit?" I checked my flip flops. "No!", I reassured him. "I checked Hickory, picked up the mixed nuts that I dropped and got back into the car." So Jim started again with the gagging and "I am going to throw up!" "Can't you smell anything?" I am thinking, for the love of God, I am just happy you are not sitting in jail in Summersville, WV for peeing along side the road, while Hickory was throwing up foaming vomit.
     Back to driving, for a very short time period, Jim starts again..."I am going to throw up, It smells like shit in here, which it did, but hey, I teach school, I am use to nasty smells. Jim jerks the car into a strip mall parking lot. He gets Hickory out, who instantly starts having diarrhea all over the parking lot.  Jim starts gagging and coughing, grabs Addie and Hickory and starts walking across the parking lot to a grassy spot by the guard rails at the far end, leaving me to clean out the car.
    I quickly find the source of the SMELL!  Addie is also sick. Her side of the car has diarrhea. Thank God, for some reason, basically trying to prevent Hickory hair from embedding itself all over the car, which Jim also hates, I had triple layered the back seat area with sheets and towels. I quickly gather up the sheets and blanket, carefully rolling it all together and wandered across the parking lot to a dumpster to dispose of the mess, hoping that this is not against the law in Summersville, WV.
    As I walk back to the car, I see Jim, yards away from the car, sitting on a guard rail with Hickory and Addie in tow, thinking to myself this is going to be a hell of a long drive to Florida. I continue straitening out the car and trying to decide what to do, when out of the corner of my eye, I see a Dollar Tree. Plastic table cloths, towels, 3 car air fresheners (new car scent), and one of those liquid ball smelly lavender containers, Jim a pack of gum later, we are all back in the car.   TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Where I left off .......

     After another inquiry today about my blogging, I decided well maybe it is time to ....go for it.  Basically, the dogs, Jim and everyone else is kind of tired of listening to me and my opinions, ideas and rants so maybe it is time for a new audience. I am not really tired tonight. I am not sure why and I am not really worried or upset about anything so decided I would write. First, I had to find my blog and figure out how to get into it, make a new password, and then figure out how to use it again. 4 hours later. Just kidding.
     I subbed 1/2 day today. 5 minutes at school and I asked myself how I have done this for over 30 years. Mr. Pell greeted me with ... "I thought you went to Florida."  "No, not yet." I tried to explain to him that I am sure we bonded last year and that I am sure that he has missed me .  Autumn at the point asked me what I had been drinking?????
     So back to me.  Have you ever wanted to be two places at one time?  Right now I kind of need to still be in WV to complete  tasks but I really want to be in Florida. The older I get I don't like doing tasks, let alone completing them.  Jim accuses me of not completing anything.  Honestly, I get side tracked a lot. Then I need a snack, then a nap, then I check to see if Margaret is out of bed.
     I actually did something with my hair and make-up today. Folks at school thought I had a new health plan or something. No, just combed my hair. The kids asked me if I cut and colored my hair.   Yes, by the way I did.  I don't know if this is good or bad but I don't really care much any more if I accomplish much. I use to have lists upon lists, daily lists, weekly lists, monthly lists, check off lists, decorating lists, school lists, Christmas card lists. Now, I take naps and clean right before Jim comes home.
     I also hang out with the animals, facebook, think  about what I should be doing, talk to Jim on the phone, and make myself something to eat. I usually talk to Margaret each day and message family and friends. I actually slept hours this summer. Maybe making up for lost sleep the last few years, getting older or just plain lazy and does it really matter????
    I just thought of something that I am into...... The Walking Dead. I actually spend time thinking about how to escape zombies, hide from them and fortress your house from them.  Pathetic, I know but I actually do this. Why????  I have no idea. I guess I am just into the show that much.  Jim got me hooked so it is kind of his fault. One really snowy weekend we watched episode, after episode. I was hooked.
     So I feel asleep writing this blog last night. So now it is the next morning and I will soon have to start my daily routine of taking the dogs out, feeding the dogs and cats and planning out my day, which is pretty simple, see above. Honestly, what I spend hours doing is moving stuff from one place to another. I am not just moving stuff around the house but from house to house, up the street, across the street, from Florida to Rowlesburg, Rowlesburg to Florida. I have way to much stuff because my family has handed down way to much stuff to me, and my parents kept everything. OK, I keep lots of stuff too, but it is probably in my DNA. So today is another day of going through stuff and trying to decide what to do with it or where to put it. I need to simplify, scale back, down size, and basically just get rid of shit. Actually, most of us need to do that in all areas of our lives, you know, just let shit go.
    

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Surviving a Tsunami

It is days like this when it is quiet, dark, stormy and I am by myself that it hits me. The immensity of the wave that hit me. The wave that took over my life and washed away my family, and in its destruction left me with a debris field of broken dreams, legal nightmares, heart ache and financial ruin. There are still mornings just before full consciousness of awakening that I forget and look at the sun streaming in the window and I think about calling David or visiting Gary. It is then that I start to sink into the dark, cold waters and have to remind myself to swim, to breath, to take one more stroke towards the surface. Maybe the Tsunami would have been easier to handle had it been one massive wave but for three years it kept coming, day after day, another wave threatening to push me back under. They were all washed out, one by one, for one reason or another, my husband, then one brother after the other. What remained for me was in ruins an instead of a helping hand to pull me to shore, I was approached by sharks waiting to attack, waiting to take what little was left and finish me off. It seemed I floated for days in the cold, murky water, fighting each wave, looking for a hand. I would swim towards shore only to be pushed back further into the ocean with the next wave. Could no one see me drowning? Did anyone care? Could they not see the sharks circling around me making an already potentially deadly situation even more deadly? It has rained most of the night and day. There is a flood warning. The sky is black. The waves are choppy and growing. So the next few weeks will tell. Will anyone reach out a hand or will the sharks win? I am getting tired of fighting the waves.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Thy Will Be Done

I was going to post on face book but decided to blog instead. There was just a knock at the door, another registered letter to sign for from JoAnne's attorney. I once again got that sickening feeling and a flush of anger that so often takes over when I have to deal with her and her lies. I decided to not open the package of legal jargon and instead write and calm my soul.

My initial thought is always, does she really think she is going to get by with this?  Does she forget that my friends and I know how she treated Gary, especially the last year of his life?  Does she not realized I documented the last 24 hours of his life, from his bedside, and her total lack of compassion, concern and help in making him comfortable? Does she not realize that we have pieced together that during his last chemo treatment she was going through his personal emails, bank accounts, and records.

While my friends and I changed his bed, tried to feed him fluids, wiped his lips with a moist sponge, and dropped morphine drops into his mouth, she shopped on E-bay.  Gary once told me that she was so difficult and hard to reason with that he would go out into the backyard and break down and cry.  I knew it was bad but not that bad. Yet, he stayed married and took care of her financially.

The frustration I have felt dealing with her for the last two years is insurmountable. I can't imagine the decades that he endured it. I asked him "why" he did it on one of his final days? He said it was a husband's duty. Gary was a much better person than me. David was too. I admit it. My tears still fall daily because I can't call and talk to them and hear their laughter. I want to mourn for them but every day there is another knock on the door, another document to copy, phone call to make, notes to take, e-mail to answer.

I think, how could any lawyer, even a poor attorney, not see through her? My mind turns to Casey Anthony's legal team hugging her, cheering and celebrating her and their victory. They had just legally maneuver the freedom of a young mother who duct taped her daughter's mouth, killed her and left her lifeless body in a ditch to rot.  It is a game to attorneys. They don't care about the truth or fairness nor justice. Winning, power and money are their Gods.

Someday soon I will begin the book and in great detail I will document the last 24 hours of Gary's life and the hell that followed for me over the next year dealing with the incompetence of America's legal system, greedy evil people and others who just sit by and watch.

The last year has hardened me and made me acutely aware that there is evil in this world, that there are evil people. I have to admit I was once totally naïve to this concept. I thought if you were patient enough that you could eventually talk sense into anyone. I don't believe that any more. I know for a fact that evil is everywhere now. It sits beside me in church. It is my neighbor. A family member. The person I am standing behind in the grocery store. Sad but true. All you have to do is watch the news.

Until, now, this battle has been mine alone to fight but I am passing the touch on to someone younger. Someone who hasn't been worn down by her day after day for two years. She and her attorney threaten me but I will not be silenced. The facts are on documents, the notes are taken, the witnesses exist, the court hearing is recorded, the book will be written and vengeance will be mine.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Not Keeping My Mouth Shut, So Sue Me

On Wednesday, August 6, Mom wasn't feeling well. A care giver thought Mom may have a UTI so she checked at the Rowlesburg clinic about having a urine culture done. Mom hadn't been seen there in a year so it couldn't be done there. By Friday, August 8, Mom was passing clots. The care giver doing the weekend shift was concerned but Rick and someone in the medical profession decided that Mom could wait to be evaluated the following week when a home health care nurse came to the house. Sometime between 5 and 7AM on Saturday, Mom was found in a pool of blood in her bed passing large clots. The care giver tried to call Rick, who demanded he be medical power of attorney and also demands the care givers call him before any decisions are made, wasn't answering his phone. This is typical weekend behavior for him. Many times telling care givers not to call him from Friday through Monday. The care giver knew he was camping on the Meadow. She left Mom and Dad alone and drove to the Meadow. She found Rickey sleeping in his camper and his phone was in his truck. When she explained the situation and said your Mom needs an ambulance. His response was.....Äre you sure?" She drove back to the house, called the ambulance and helped load Mom on the ambulance. Rick did take 45 minutes out of his busy schedule to sign Mom into Preston Memorial but left her alone to return to camping on the meadow. My Mom will soon be 86. Is basically deaf and was hemorrhaging. It is difficult for her to hear questions or answer them. At some point, the care giver called me and asked me if I knew what was going on. Of course I didn't. I became frantic. I am not allowed to call Rickey per his request and orders from a state trooper he called so I began calling anyone and everyone to find out about my Mom. At one point, PMH reported she wasn't there at the same time Mon General was reporting she wasn't there. I was in tears. I called Justin. He started calling and in a round about way found out she was being transported to Mon General. Where was Rickey? He was picnicking on the Meadow. He had told Justin to check on Mom because he had promised to teach one of Linda's friends how to kayak. So that was more important than Mom. I admit I was livid. I was in tears figuring out how to get to Mom financially and physically. He was 12 miles from Kingwood. I was over 800 miles away in Florida. Justin and Cassie went to the hospital and spent the evening with Mom. I called. The care giver had driven Dad to the hospital. Rick was still on the Meadow. I talked to Mom and Dad. They told me not to come home. I knew I needed to get home. I had basically already made up my mind when the care giver called me early Monday morning and said "Your Mom had a rough night and I think you need to come home." Jim gave me the money and loaned me his car and said go. I drove 14 hours and arrived in Mom's room at around 1:30 AM Tuesday. I spent most of the next three days with Mom or sleeping at Justin's and Cassie's house. My friends came to the hospital to visit Mom. Thursday the doctor told me that Mom would probably be released Friday. Thursday a care giver had brought Dad to the hospital and I took him to Cassie and Justin's so he could see their house and visit with Justin and their dogs. While I was at the hospital on Thursday instead of Rick visiting his mother, he came to Rowlesburg to stir shit. He involved the Sheriff, Barb Banister, and even left a message on Connie's ex- husband's phone. Crazy, yes. I assume he is or one of the complainers about dog food. Pathetic. He reported an AC stolen to the sheriff. An AC that my Dad bought and loaned to Connie from the rental house, that Rick knew was at Connie's house. The deputy that came to Connie's house indicated they are sick of Rick's lame complaints. So why does everyone keep protecting Rick? Why would Barb Banister not admit that Rick is behind the dog food complaint? Why won't the Sheriff tell Rick enough is enough. Why do the neighbors on Oak Street cater to Rick? I am sick and tired of him and his BS but I am not shutting up, so sue me.