In Memory of Derek

I stayed home yesterday from school to go to the doctor for this lingering cough (bronchitis). I had just arrived home and was laying on the couch when my brother called. He told me that our cousin Derek, Pam's son, had been shot in Elkins. I had heard about the US Marshals being shot in Elkins but it didn't register with me that it could possibly be Derek. Rick said he had been taken to Ruby in Morgantown and was in surgery. I quickly got on the Internet.  Maybe it was a state of denial,  but although three Marshals had been shot, it seemed like they were all going to survive.I called my parents to let them know. I talked to my Dad but told him not to tell my Mom, yet. I was trying to process all this information when my brother called back and told me his neighbor in Morgantown had just informed him that the Marshal who had been shot in the neck had died in surgery, I caught my breath and asked, "Where did Derek get shot?" I called my Dad and told him to tell Mom because he had died and it would be on the news. I called Rob and Justin. I thought of my cousin Pam, who had lost her husband at a young age. He was also a police officer. Today I'm angry. I'm angry that a young life was taken so senselessly. I'm angry that it was taken by a worthless drug dealer. I'm angry that someone had no value for their own life or others. I don't know why things like this happen. I know it isn't God's will, but couldn't he have saved Derek's life? Why does Pam have to go through this most unimaginable pain of loosing a child? Derek was only 24. Justin's age. Why couldn't the guy just have surrendered? Derek did everything right in life. He was a good kid. He worked hard. He lost his father young. I thought I would see Pam at a funeral soon but not her son's funeral. I thought I would see her at our uncle's funeral, who is in a personal care home, with rapidly declining health. Pam and I go to see our uncle but never seem to time our visits at the same time. I asked myself "Why?" many times today and nothing makes sense. I can think of nothing reassuring to say to my cousin. It will never be better. How can it be? She is the one with great faith. Not me. I wish I could think of something inspirational. I can't. I told a fellow teacher on the playground today that this would be my worst nightmare, to loose my son. I know I sound bitter, but the only plus seems to be that the shooter was killed and we won't have to spend tax dollars keeping the drug dealer in prison forever. I wish I could think about forgiveness, I can't. I spent much time today thinking about our society? Do we need to get stricter about many things. Derek's mother and I are both teachers. Schools definitely need to return to a stricter environment. I see student's everyday that feel that they should be able to say and do whatever they want and get by with it. Our society seems to have an almost hero worship of sports stars and entertainment celebrities whose daily behavior seems to consist of drugs, breaking the law and other inappropriate behavior. The man who gunned down my cousin obviously felt like there should be no consequences for his bad behavior and if anyone got in his way, he was armed to kill. I think it is time to make everyone accountable for their behavior, starting at school, at home, and in our neighborhoods. Stop making excuses and glorifying bad behavior. Stop raising children to be juvenile deliquents who grow up and think it is OK to shoot federal marshals doing their job. Derek was a good man. Someone's son. Someone's brother. He did things the right way in life. Can we say the same thing?