Circle of Life

Most folks my age have begun to understand or experience the circle of life. I've been the kid, the rebellious teenager, the young adult, the parent, now in middle age my brothers and I are in the stage of life of helping out our parents more and more. I don't know about others but I just feel like  you are never really ready to deal with this part of the circle. Our Dad is no longer driving and living in a very rural area requires both parents to be driven to all appointments and activities.  They have also reached the point where housework, yard work, shopping and many other chores have to be done by someone else. This is not easy for their kids to accept, and I don't think any of us were ready or realized how much it entails to take care of aging parents. First, everyone had to accept Mom and Dad's physical decline, which was easier for me living down the street, seeing them almost everyday, and watching the decline for the last 10 years. Second, everyone, even them, had to accept that they need help.  This is not an easy phase and my brothers and I tend to disagree and ague just like we did when we all lived in the same house, which is one main reason our parents are so tired. I don't know who this stage is harder on the aging parents or their children. It is hard for the parents to admit they need help and to depend on their children, who they still probably view, somewhat, as those irresponsible teenagers that drove them crazy for years. My Dad thinks I'm bossy when I tell him he needs to do something.  One of the most difficult decisions that all of us had to make was telling Dad he couldn't drive anymore, plus we knew it would all change our lives because it meant us doing the driving for them. This is not a quick or easy process or at least it wasn't for us. It took months of conversations between us and his doctor. We started out limiting his driving and then finally saying enough is enough.  This decision had to be made not only for our parents safety but the safety of others. We are lucky in the fact that all of us live within 40 miles of our parents and that there are also grand kids willing to help chip in.  On the other hand our parents own multiple properties that need to be checked on and kept up and our goal is for our parents to stay in their own home as long as possible. One great help has been to get additional help for my parents. They have someone to help with cleaning and laundry and someone to check in on them a couple of times a day for meals, meds, general up keep and chores. Senior citizens also delivers meals at noon. The big plus is Justin and Cassie across the street from our parents, that allows someone to be there in seconds if needed. This circle in life takes some getting use to from all parties and is an eye opener to what our future may hold. Aging also brings on short term memory loss for some so we have found ourselves going to the doctor with our parents to make sure medication, and other health concerns are being followed correctly. We also call and check in daily and make frequent trips to our parents home. We schedule vacations so that someone is always available to our parents, and we generally have daily e-mails and phone calls to update everyone in the family as to what is going on with our parents.  We also have come to realize that you have to plan ahead and we have already started looking ahead to the difficult Preston County winter. I know young folks who may read this may find this blog boring or distant to them but some day you too will be there with your parents. The best advice I can give anyone is find yourself some support because it is very difficult to do it alone.